Personal counseling with Dr. Health at $175 per hour. Group sessions are also available so you can chip in together with your miserable friends.
Dr. Health has clients from New York City to Africa to Australia who prefer to "go interactive" with him the old-fashioned way -- by phone. To arrange your private phone counseling appointment with Dr. Health send Dr. Health an e-mail at DearDoctorHealth@hotmail.com with your request and the basic client info Dr. Health will need to know: a name (not necessarily yours), current age, age you wish you were, gender, preferred gender and marital status. Also be sure to include your phone number(s) and your preferred time to be contacted to schedule your appointment. You can then add whatever crap you want.
And remember, Dr. Health really cares. Especially about you!