LETTERS TO DEAR DR. HEALTH
Sensitivity to Gas
March 11, 2011
Dear Dr. Health,
Benjamin and I have been together for over seven years. We married a few years ago and are basically a happy couple; whatever that means. The problem is that Benjamin farts. I know that everyone farts. It's the way he farts that bugs me.
He farts these big booming smelly farts and he always does it while he's right next to me. I've asked him a million times that if he has to fart, which is certainly understandable, he should simply excuse himself and go to another part of the house. He says that he can't control them and that these farts just come out unpredictably, as if they have a mind of their own. I don't buy that for a minute.
He farts in bed and wallows in the odor as it wafts up towards us. It makes me sick. I'm beginning to actually think that he purposely holds his farts in and waits until he's near me to let them out; almost as an act of hostility. I've asked him to move away from me too many times for me to look at it any other way. Why can't he just fart away from me? Why do I have to live my life as a target for his foul gases? I love him and he loves me but this just has to stop.
Letter ID : 71
REPLY FROM DR. HEALTH
March 11, 2011
The sound of a fart comes from the expulsion of excess gases through the anus and the resultant vibration of the anal tissue around that orifice in much the same way that the vocal chords vibrate as we force air up through our windpipes. It is a natural sound and the fart itself a moment of release that often provides personal stimulation and a natural high not unlike the euphoria experienced by aerobic athletes during the release of their endorphins. There is sometimes an accompanying smell to farts that some people do find unpleasant but MANY PEOPLE DO NOT! I think that this is where the problem lies in your house.
From the tone of your letter you are obviously very angry at Benjamin for reasons that, unfortunately, escape me. You and Benjamin are in love, chose to manifest that love through that old-fashioned formal commitment called marriage, and now, you\'re on his case for being relaxed enough around you to want to share one of his most intimate and personal pleasures. He is obviously unabashed; a quality so often lost in today\'s uptight society. Whatever happened to the glorious Sixties? One thing you\'ll be happy to hear is that Odor Eaters is coming out with a new product that one will be able to slip between their cheeks and wear all day that contains crystals that absorb the smell of farts. For some it will be almost as exciting as Depends ability to absorb urine and for others it will merely be a waste of time and will signal the coming of a new repressive era for personal pleasures. And, remember, I really care.
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